Ghost of Saints Christmas yet to come

Being in the bah-humbug hangover spirit of another pitiful Saints performance in crunch-time, I couldn't shake the cobwebs from the nightmare on Poydras Street I had just witnessed versus the Eggles.
So I summoned someone who lives in the same misery we Saints fans live in - Scrooge!
Then I really thunk big - if I could steal a little time with his buddy, Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come!
Thankfully ol' Scrooge was sleeping off an eggnog buzz, so Yet to Come's calendar was wide open.
Mr. Yet to Come here I come!
Before I sat with Mr. Yet to Come, I googled him. According to one site, he is "a silent phantom clad in a hooded black robe. He presents Scrooge with an ominous view of his lonely death."
Well, don't believe everything you read.
Yes, he was a little pale from that whole death thing, but I found him cordial and forthcoming.
He did have on a hooded black robe, but - this was too good to be true - he had a Fleur de Lis embroidered on the robe's right chest and back!
After a quick intro, I had to ask right off the bat: "So, I see the Fleur de Lis on your cloak... you're a Saints fan!!??"
In an otherwordly deep voice (think of Barry White in an echo chamber...), he answered with a chuckle, "Hey, I know death -- and couldn't help siding with the Saints and all the slow deaths they've lived! Did you see that Tampa home game!? "
"So I got your voicemail on my cel... said you wanted to talk about those Bless You Boys. What's on your mind?" he asked, sitting back and folding up his long, spindly legs.
At first I was slightly distracted by the glare coming from his sickle's blade, but quickly got my bearings. Where to start, where to start, I thought, so many disappointments, so many frustrations.
"Okay, first the obvious - what about Jason David?" I asked.
"Come with me," he said with a mischievous smile. Opening his front door, he led me into what I thought was his front yard, but... wait, this isn't a front yard...it's someone's office.
Thump, thump, thump. A knock on the other side of the door we had just walked into!
"Come in," someone behind me said. Turning, I almost fell over when I saw who it was: Tom Benson.
"Hello, Mr. Benson," another new voice said from behind me again. "Thanks for taking time to meet me."
"Ahh, hello Coach Payton... sorry to interrupt, but.."
"Psst," Yet to Come whispered,"he can't hear you and he can't see you. Just sit back and enjoy."
So I did just that.
"Mr. Benson, I respect the business side of this whole thing, but I'm telling you right now -- I don't care how it looks or how how much it cost you, I am not playing Jason David next year!!!"
he said emphatically, his voice almost at a scream. "My 10-year-old nephew can cover better than this guy! And my nephew's bigger than him!"
He continued: "And budget be damned! I'm going after a stud middle linebacker, a thumper, a snot-bubble kinda guy. Truth be told: Simoneaux and Shanle can't tackle their way out of a wet paper bag. Think about this, Mr. Benson, and I'll get back with you after the holidays."
And with that Payton turned quickly, and briskly walked out.
In his haste, a single paper fluttered from his clipboard onto the carpeted ground at my feet.
In bold, neat handwritten print was, "2008 Resolutions."
Wow, this was Sean Payton's personal resolution list!
No. 1 on the list was already checked, "Tell Benson David is gone. He sucks."
The rest of the list was a laundry list of a frustrated coach's wishes.

"Wow, Mr. Yet to Come, this list is great!" I exclaimed. "I cant' wait to share it with everyone."
The smirk on his face told a different story.
"Sorry, Jeffie, but what happens in my world, stays in my world," he said.
Dang, I thought, and handed him the folded piece of paper.
"Well, Yet to Come, I enjoyed this. But I gotta get back to my world now," I said. "Any other glimpses you want to share?"
He shook his head no, and was gone.
I opened all the doors, looked high, looked low - yep, he was gone.
Reaching in my pocket, I unfolded a piece of paper.
Wait, you didn't think I really gave him back that list did you?
Without further adieu I present Payton's 2008 personal resolution list! And obviously Peyton is a Letterman fan, because his list was written in reverse order:

26. Give John Karney dancing lessons.... then maybe he'll learn to stay on his feet.
25. Don't do any more stupid "Earn it " commercials. Earn what... no playoffs? Just play football.
24. Stop drafting wide receivers.
23. Strap Devery to chair, have him watch endless Colston tapes and repeat 1000 times daily: "Catch ball with hands, not chest. Catch ball with hands, not chest."
22. Repeat resolution #23 with all receivers not named Colston
21. Strap Bush to chair, have him watch Stecker and Deuce tapes, and repeat 1000 times daily, "Wait for blocks, be patient, explode straight - repeat straight- into hole. Nothing there, take 2-3 yards."
20.Teach Brees to throw AND catch his own passes.
19. Find a Defensive tackle who actually makes tackles for losses.
18. Remind Charles Grant he's paid big bucks to get sacks.
17. Put post-it's everywhere saying, "Play Kesverhearn, Not Bullocks."
16. Buy customized "horse-blinders" for Bush... keep him running north-south. Maybe put commercial deal instead of carrot in front of him.
15. Splash holy water all over Deuce's body
14. Teach Jamaal how to line up on line of scrimmage
13. Run trick plays early in game, not late.
12. Remind self to do # 24
11. Trick team into thinking all 16 regular-season games are on road.
10. Figure out why we play so poorly at home and apologize to season ticket holders.
9. Tell media to stop predicting our success.
8. Tell fans we're going to be successful.
7. Draw up a better 4-inches-to-score play
6. Bring whole team to Oz to get Stecker's heart
5. Cancel Reggie's Gold Toe commercials at Dome
4. Re-sign John Carney and implant Mare's leg onto him. Call medical team.
3. Remember to not sit back but blitz QBs in an other-world rythym: see McNabb, McNown, Manning, et al.
2. Find, draft, sign athletic, snot-bubble, mean-streak linebackers. Send sweet goodbye cards to Shanle and Simoneaux
1. Cut Jason David. Tell Benson David is gone. He sucks. (note to self: look at game film before signing another 5'-8" cornerback)

Twas 2 days before Saints Christmas

Twas two days before Christmas and the Eagles dashed into town and Scrooged the Saints' playoff hopes right into the ground.
The Who-Dats' joy and jubilation were soon put to rest, as the Saints' players did it again at home - they did not play their best.
Santa flew over the Dome, and proclaimed to his reindeer:
"On Devery, more dropped passes,
On Jamaal holding penalites aglow,
poor blocks with only 2 feet and goal to go.
Out Deuce, out Bush, out Johnson, , out McKenzie, out Colston,
David and Craft burned left and beat right,
Bullocks missing another tackle,
Every receiver wide open...
Oh, what an ugly and repeating sight!
White-bread linebackers slow and can't get off any blocks
Second-hand D-linemen --- well, they just sucks."

I said, "Santa, that sure is brutal, where is your Christmas cheer?"
Slowly with no glee, he pulled out the Saints' fans 2007 present...
An all-too-familiar black & gold bumper sticker reading:
"Wait til next year!"